Set Your Goalies High

I had to work at a job fair on Sunday this past weekend. It went pretty well. I also worked at a job fair two weeks before that one. Although that job fair went well, I heard a comment from a dude applying for a job. He said to me, “Hey, you look like the goalie for the American team, but without money.”

“Hmm,” I thought, “What the fuck?”

In any case, I did a bit of research. I have to admit that I don’t really follow soccer at all these days, and I certainly don’t keep tabs on Team America. After checking on Wikipedia, I found that the American team had four goalies listed. I found some images from different sources, and here they are:

First, this picture from Wikimedia is of a guy named Troy Perkins. I think this probably isn’t the guy, though, since he doesn’t bear much resemblance to me (he apparently wears his wedding ring on his left hand, while I wear mine on my right).
Next candidate: John Busch. This guy could be a bit more likely to be the goalie in question due to the lax attention to facial hair and the use of black clothing, two things that I’m into. But let’s take the search a bit further. (Picture credit: AP Images)
Candidate Number Three: Brad Guzan. This guy seems a bit more likely, if we’re going by hairlines here. Although I probably could never muster this much enthusiasm for any game, even if I were playing in it (For evidence, see our intramural German department soccer team, The Ünnëcëssärÿ Ümläüts). (Photo credit: Jamie McDonald, Getty Images)
And I think we have our winner: Tim Howard! This guy even has the U.S. Team shirt on, and he’s got less hair than me (but just barely). (Photo: Wikipedia)

So, the question remains: was the job fair guy complimenting or insulting me? On the one hand, it’s good to look like a famous person sometimes. In this country, a soccer goalie is almost as highly revered as a doctor or a saint (unless it’s a saint who lets more than a couple goals in). On the other hand, he also said I looked like the goalie… but without money. I think that translates roughly to, “You look poor.” Ouch. In any case, I guess that solves a mystery that’s been bugging me for a few weeks now.

I better go, I gotta get to practice. If I get there late, coach’ll make me do windsprints, whatever the hell those are.

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Sitzman

Errand-Running Monkey at Sitzblog
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