In any case, on Sunday I called my mom (or, at least I called her and asked her to call me right back, since she’s got a sweeter calling card) to wish her a happy Mother’s Day, and let me say it again here in a public forum: Mom, Happy Mother’s Day! By now I guess it’s officially a belated Mother’s Day wish, but no matter. You’re still a great mom, and anyone in the world would be overjoyed to have you as a mother. Thanks for everything you’ve done for me and all the things you taught us kids…all the good stuff about Ryan Sitzman I owe to you and dad! (And don’t worry, I’ll take the heat for all the crappy parts.)

(pause for a moment to allow mom to get watery eyes, sniffle, etc.)

OK, we’re back. I did want to mention a few more things about maternity, though. Maybe it’s because Costa Rica seems to be a really pregnant country. Maybe it’s just my imagination, but it seems that everywhere I look, I see pregnant women. And they seem to be getting all the attention. I’m sure Freud would have something to say about that. Anyhow, a few years ago I was talking with my friend Zach about having a similar feeling, and he diagnosed the sensation as “Fetus Envy,” a term which is so awesome that I just want to mention it again.

I also have been thinking about maternity because of the pregnant guy. I guess this was big news in the U.S., and it seems to be because he went on Oprah. Here, the news trickled down, but everyone who mentioned it seemed to think it was a hoax. All I know is, if that guy really is pregnant, it’s gonna hurt getting that baby out.

Wow, what a disjointed post.

Oh well.