Politics, Part 2 of 2: The Elite

I remember that during the last couple of elections, one of the things that people were talking about when discussing the presidential candidates was the question of which candidate they thought was more genuine and “down to earth.” One expression of this thought was the question, “Which candidate would you rather sit down and have a beer with?” Now, to me, this question is patently absurd. That’s the kind of criterion that you examine when you’re looking for a drinking buddy, not when you’re electing the president of your freaking country!
Basically, though, over the last few election cycles the prevailing sentiment was that George W. Bush would be a better drinking buddy than either Al Gore or John Kerry (Nevermind the fact that Bush is a reformed alcoholic and supposedly doesn’t drink anyway). Still, Kerry was seen by many to be out of touch, and he was sometimes called an “elitist,” which is a term that has now been tossed at Barack Obama, as well. Now, call me an old-fashioned relic or an imperialist bastard or whatever, but I want my presidents to be elitists. If I wanted a “regular, everyday guy” to run my country, I’d vote for my mechanic. And about 20 minutes after his inauguration, all that would be left of the country would be a giant, smoking hole. No siree, I want someone who is incredibly capable to run my country.
I’m a pretty nice guy. If you don’t believe me, ask anyone who knows me. I’m not a genius, but I’m not really that stupid, either. I actually have an MA, and I can speak three or four languages with a degree of coherency and fluency (and English is one of them). Still, the fact that I’m a nice, smart guy says nothing about my ability to become a president. The way I see it, I’m selling my country short if I vote for anyone who isn’t freaking amazing. Sure, the person I vote for can be nice, but they better be so smart that they just about have brains coming out of their ears. They better make me feel like a freaking assbrain in comparison. And I don’t care if my presidents speak condescendingly to me or if they prefer doing crossword puzzles to watching NASCAR, as long as they are really, really, really smart. Oh yeah, and they can’t be a disgusting hypocrites, either.
I’ve never really understood the point of politicians who try to lower themselves to the level of society’s Lowest Common Denominator. Indeed, a president is the leader of every citizen, whether that citizen is a billionaire genius like Bill Gates or a dipshit societal mooch like Kevin Federline. But that doesn’t mean that a presidential candidate should have to try to appear “folksy” just to get votes. Obviously, it’s necessary to have support throughout the broad spectrum of society in order to win an election, but shouldn’t a president be somewhat above that? Wouldn’t the ideal president be such an amazing, upstanding, and intelligent person, that the whole country would be proud to refer to him or her as one of the finest examples of its citizenry?
These are all just my thoughts, but to finish these musings and wrap up my two-part political special, I’d like to give my opinion on the current candidates and whether I’d like to drink a beer with him or her (after all, I’m still part of that earlier-mentioned Lowest Common Denominator that talks about this crap). For the vice-presidential picks, it’s a hard race to call. I have a feeling that Sarah Palin would probably have some interesting stories about…well, ice, I guess…but I can’t imagine that she and I would have that much in common to talk about. In fact, she might be the Anti-Sitzman. Joe Biden seems like he’d be kind of friendly in the right kind of circumstances, and I can actually imagine drinking a couple of beers with him, mainly ‘cause he’d lose track of the time. Plus, when I’d go to have a whiz, I’d return to find that he’d already paid the bill.
As for our possible future presidents, I honestly can’t imagine drinking a beer with John McCain. The only circumstance in which I could see this happening is if I were still underage, and I tried to get him or any other sufficiently old person to buy me a six-pack at the liquor store. And Barack Obama? Well, I can’t actually imagine drinking a beer with him, either. In fact, after getting slightly trashed with Joe Biden, we’d probably call up Obama, and even though it’d be like 2 AM, we’d ask Obama to come and give us a ride home in his Celica. Sure, he’d be pissed, he’d get annoyed when Biden and I would shout while arguing about whether Use Your Illusion I or II is better, and in the end Barack would probably give us a lecture on how we needed to grow up and be more responsible in the future. But still, he’d probably come through when you really needed him.
Maybe I’ll vote for him.

(Comic credit: “Get Your War On,” by David Rees. More available at www.mnftiu.com. Interestingly enough, this one is from 4 years ago.)

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Errand-Running Monkey at Sitzblog
Hey! I'm Ryan Sitzman, the person in charge of Sitzblog. If you want to know more about me, you can check out my profile on Google or go to my personal site, RyanSitzman.com. You can also click on any of the redundant little boxes to the left and it should take you to my profiles for all kinds of social networks. Thanks!

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