I’ve made amends with the other boy idols that the girls of my generation swooned over. Brad Pitt is actually a good actor and seems like a cool guy; perhaps “Legends of the Fall” was just a shitty, shitty fluke. Mark “Marky Mark” Wahlberg is still a Wahlberg, but at least he was good in “Three Kings” and “Boogie Nights,” and if I were a casting director, he’d be my go-to guy when I was looking for someone who could nail the role of a kind-hearted dumbass. Even Robbie Williams is off my Shit List. Maybe if I were a European male I’d feel obliged to hate Williams, but since he hardly shows up in the American consciousness, it’s easier to defend liking him. And I actually like his songs.

But what is it about Leonardo DiCaprio? It can’t just be me, can it?